I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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