If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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