don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
