Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
