so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
