my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
