I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
