Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
