I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
