there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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