Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made

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(518): View more from New York

September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location

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(512): View more from Texas

I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.

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(518): View more from New York

I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.

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(510): View more from California

I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.

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(714): View more from California

the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.

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(813): View more from Florida

ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday

(813): View more from Florida

Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.

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(406): View more from Montana

Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!

(804): View more from Virginia

It's basically my crowning achievement.

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