That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it was like his penis was on wheels.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
