Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
