nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
