Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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