he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
