Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
