I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
