They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
