She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We're too hungover to prance.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
