a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
