Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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