420 ftw
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
