Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
