:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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