how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
