You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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