I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
