Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
