my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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