You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
