Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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