Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
