Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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