You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
