There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
