Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
