My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
