I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
