you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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