Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
