At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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