you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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