I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I AM VODKA MAN
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
