Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
our cab driver is having phone sex.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
