you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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