tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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