Im at strip club and am horny
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
