Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I did not marry a roomba.
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