I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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