He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
