Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
