I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
