why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
