He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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