why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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