We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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