he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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