Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
