**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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