You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
