When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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