Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
too bad you live with your parents still
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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