Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
