She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
