Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
