bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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