I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
