My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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