I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
