Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
