i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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