What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
