Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
