Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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